GUI

I launched iTunes this morning to spend with reckless abandon the $15 iTunes gift card I recently received. I was excited at the prospect of adding to my ever-growing library of MP3’s which I can play on either my 60GB iPod, or my more modest take-everywhere Nano.

As I started do my search for songs, I noticed that iTunes had recently launched a new application called, “Just for you”. Apparently it makes suggestions for music based on your previous purchases.

My list of personalized suggestions contained the new album by Ashleee Simpson.

Ashlee Simpson.

The poor sibling of that buffoon Jessica Simpson, the sister who truly got ALL the looks. The same girl who prides herself on live performances and lip-synced on SNL. The one person who gives all of us hope that you need neither talent or looks to make it, but just some relative with connections.

Ashlee Simpson. My God, what have I done to deserve this type of public humiliation? Then it hit me: I had purchased Britney Spears’ greatest hits on iTunes. Little did I know that my private purchase, my personal shame, my illicit dalliance, would be databased and then spit out into some new fangled user interface that would tell the world that I had bad taste in music.

I can only imagine if all my bad decisions became the source of some sort of customized life-interface. Suddenly my life would be becomes a series of events that included a do-it-at-home perm, nautically-themed outfits with unprotected white-suede flats, and dates with Latin actors who had a wife and two kids.

If I logged onto Amazon, my “Gold Box” would present me with options like, “Do you want a bikini trimmer or some fat loss pills?” On Google, my homepage would be customized with a picture of Simon LeBon and a quote from Marianne Moore: “We are suffering from far too much sarcasm.” CNN’s weather would tell me about current conditions in Iowa City, the home of my first online crush. Nordstrom.com’s “You might also like...” would suggest a $69 t-shirt with a British flag, a testament to the time and money I spent on some silly fool in London. eBay’s search returns would only show me all the clothes I owned with the headline, “NWT! No reserve!” reminding me specifically of a never-worn $400 DKNY dress I recently sold for $20 at Buffalo Exchange.

I’m not sure if I want to live in a Web that continually attempts to serve me information based on my previous choices. Truth be told, I’ve made a lot of bad decisions, and the last thing I need is this cookie monster storing my personal information and preferences into the archives of the one place I thought I might be free of judgment: The World Wide Web.

Alas, it appears that you can’t escape your past, no matter how many times you delete your history, remove temporary internet files or clear your cache.

You must always pay the price of the choices you’ve made, even if they are decisions you would never make again.

All I wanted was Britney’s cover of Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative”. Now I am going to have to actually go to the store to buy Earth, Wind and Fire.

- A