Shopping is Life
Ah, I've been meaning to do this damn blog for a while now. Like over a year.
What the hell.
Not like I haven't been busy.
Given that I can't decide whether or not this blog will be public, I will just say this: IT HAS BEEN A HELLISH YEAR AND I WILL BE GLAD WHEN IT IS OVER.
That said, Shopping brings me joy. And last night, I engaged in some joyful alleged Christmas shopping with my good 'ol friend in good 'ol Park Meadows mall.
As I sat across from GerRee last night in the food court eating a sandwich from Paradise Bakery and listening to her describe her letter to Santa in which she strategically asked for "shoes for my mom" in her toy requests, I thought, "Damn, the mall brings out the best in people."
So for now, this blog will be all about shopping - the things I buy and why I buy them, because truth be told, this fascinates me because while I earn a decent living, I sure as hell run out of money fast.
And I don't even have a drug habit.
I only went Christmas shopping last night because it involved the word "shopping". As a rule, I don't like Christmas shopping. I hate forced gift buying. All year long I see things I want to buy people, and I usually do buy them and give them at some random time, not because of some guy's birthday.
So when Christmas comes, I am at a loss for gifts because I've bought them already.
For a while, I attempted to buy gifts and hang onto them until the socially appropriate time - but I've noticed I tend to forget what I bought and thus buy another gift anyhow.
But enough about other people, let's talk about what I bought yesterday:
- Creme brulee and apple cider lip glass from Bath and Body Works (on sale $5 each - that's like 50% off, dawg)
- 2 bottles of Kiehls coconut body wash (cannot live without this stuff)
- Perricone eye cream
- Bottle of Prada perfume (almost out, and I've had to resort to using my backup collection of Bulgari, my god)
- Erno Lazlo SPF 15 fair tint
I've noticed I've been buying a lot of things for a lifestyle I don't live. Such as the bondage tape and fur handcuffs I bought at GerRee's bachorlette party where we had a woman sell us sex accessories like tupperware. I wasn't even drinking, I just got so intrigued with the idea of bondage tape that didn't hurt when it came off and fur-lined handcuffs. Though I have never engaged in this type of behavior (well, not that much), I still bought it - and I am not even dating anyone that I can recall.
Which is why I think I bought this lipgloss. I have plenty of lipgloss, Lord knows, but this stuff is flavored and I am sure the lucky guy who gets to make out with me would love the taste, as he would truly enjoy my brand new cuffs and tape.
I guess I am just getting prepared to actually date. I prepare for men like some people prepare for the nuclear holocaust.
Truth be told, I really don't want to date anyone. I want to pick a man out of a catalogue. I told this whole story to the woman in the Franklin Store last night as GerRee shopped for a gift. She was annoying the hell out of GerRee (with good reason), and so I thought I'd distract her with the type of conversation I save for strangers - mostly my ideas on how men who don't speak english make great husbands. This woman thought I was crazy, but I know I am onto something. Men and women miscommunicate anyhow, so if we just take this out of the equasion that leaves us with body language to convey our needs. I think we'll be better off.
Besides, intimacy scares me. When a man tells me he loves me, I want to either shout, "LIAR!" and/or have him initial a contract that fines him in the event that it turns out not to be true. Those little bastards know not what they say. It's like an 8-year old yelling "fire" in a non-fire engulged crowded theatre - while you want to cut them slack because they are a dumb little kid, it's still irresponsible and definitely not protected speech. People shouldn't be able to tell you that they love you until they've been certified by some 3rd party. This 3rd party would run an 8-week course (at night so people can do it after work) that would teach people about real love, what it means to give unconditional love, and how using the term to have sex/get money/feel better about yourself/or because you're a damn fool is not accepted. That way when you meet someone you can ask, "Do you have your CLG (Certified Love Giver) certificate? Can I see it please?" Then you would have some proof that this asshole isn't running around telling everyone this.
ISSUES, yes, I know, but it's why I am so charming.
I think.
That said, I ended up buying all the other stuff at Nordstrom from a woman who reminded me of my grandmother. She even had the smell of a quick-sneak cigarette on her breath - just like grandma used to! (Grandma also was a hottie who got around, but I'll save those stories for later)
Originally, I just wanted some more face tint (gotta keep myself as pale as possible, sun is bad bad bad and looks like you work in a field), and I ended up becoming so enthralled with this woman who was like my grandmother, that I wanted it never to end, so I bought more stuff.
Mind you, I needed the stuff (Prada = basic needs), but normally I would have bought on Sephora.com (no tax, free shipping, etc.), but in this case, her stories of working at Elizabeth Arden and being the wife of an air force colonel (she told me that part with such pride! it was so sweet!) really brought a tear to my eye. It almost made me want to go outside and sneak another smoke with her.
Overall, it was a wonderful night. There is nothing better than shopping with a dear friend, buying items in anticipation of carnal delight, and meeting someone who reminds you of your long-gone grandmother.
I do think, however, I would be in better financial shape if I started shopping only for the life I do live - which means more bathrobes, running shoes and cases of PepsiOne.
Regardless, Shopping is Life, even it's not quite my life.
What the hell.
Not like I haven't been busy.
Given that I can't decide whether or not this blog will be public, I will just say this: IT HAS BEEN A HELLISH YEAR AND I WILL BE GLAD WHEN IT IS OVER.
That said, Shopping brings me joy. And last night, I engaged in some joyful alleged Christmas shopping with my good 'ol friend in good 'ol Park Meadows mall.
As I sat across from GerRee last night in the food court eating a sandwich from Paradise Bakery and listening to her describe her letter to Santa in which she strategically asked for "shoes for my mom" in her toy requests, I thought, "Damn, the mall brings out the best in people."
So for now, this blog will be all about shopping - the things I buy and why I buy them, because truth be told, this fascinates me because while I earn a decent living, I sure as hell run out of money fast.
And I don't even have a drug habit.
I only went Christmas shopping last night because it involved the word "shopping". As a rule, I don't like Christmas shopping. I hate forced gift buying. All year long I see things I want to buy people, and I usually do buy them and give them at some random time, not because of some guy's birthday.
So when Christmas comes, I am at a loss for gifts because I've bought them already.
For a while, I attempted to buy gifts and hang onto them until the socially appropriate time - but I've noticed I tend to forget what I bought and thus buy another gift anyhow.
But enough about other people, let's talk about what I bought yesterday:
- Creme brulee and apple cider lip glass from Bath and Body Works (on sale $5 each - that's like 50% off, dawg)
- 2 bottles of Kiehls coconut body wash (cannot live without this stuff)
- Perricone eye cream
- Bottle of Prada perfume (almost out, and I've had to resort to using my backup collection of Bulgari, my god)
- Erno Lazlo SPF 15 fair tint
I've noticed I've been buying a lot of things for a lifestyle I don't live. Such as the bondage tape and fur handcuffs I bought at GerRee's bachorlette party where we had a woman sell us sex accessories like tupperware. I wasn't even drinking, I just got so intrigued with the idea of bondage tape that didn't hurt when it came off and fur-lined handcuffs. Though I have never engaged in this type of behavior (well, not that much), I still bought it - and I am not even dating anyone that I can recall.
Which is why I think I bought this lipgloss. I have plenty of lipgloss, Lord knows, but this stuff is flavored and I am sure the lucky guy who gets to make out with me would love the taste, as he would truly enjoy my brand new cuffs and tape.
I guess I am just getting prepared to actually date. I prepare for men like some people prepare for the nuclear holocaust.
Truth be told, I really don't want to date anyone. I want to pick a man out of a catalogue. I told this whole story to the woman in the Franklin Store last night as GerRee shopped for a gift. She was annoying the hell out of GerRee (with good reason), and so I thought I'd distract her with the type of conversation I save for strangers - mostly my ideas on how men who don't speak english make great husbands. This woman thought I was crazy, but I know I am onto something. Men and women miscommunicate anyhow, so if we just take this out of the equasion that leaves us with body language to convey our needs. I think we'll be better off.
Besides, intimacy scares me. When a man tells me he loves me, I want to either shout, "LIAR!" and/or have him initial a contract that fines him in the event that it turns out not to be true. Those little bastards know not what they say. It's like an 8-year old yelling "fire" in a non-fire engulged crowded theatre - while you want to cut them slack because they are a dumb little kid, it's still irresponsible and definitely not protected speech. People shouldn't be able to tell you that they love you until they've been certified by some 3rd party. This 3rd party would run an 8-week course (at night so people can do it after work) that would teach people about real love, what it means to give unconditional love, and how using the term to have sex/get money/feel better about yourself/or because you're a damn fool is not accepted. That way when you meet someone you can ask, "Do you have your CLG (Certified Love Giver) certificate? Can I see it please?" Then you would have some proof that this asshole isn't running around telling everyone this.
ISSUES, yes, I know, but it's why I am so charming.
I think.
That said, I ended up buying all the other stuff at Nordstrom from a woman who reminded me of my grandmother. She even had the smell of a quick-sneak cigarette on her breath - just like grandma used to! (Grandma also was a hottie who got around, but I'll save those stories for later)
Originally, I just wanted some more face tint (gotta keep myself as pale as possible, sun is bad bad bad and looks like you work in a field), and I ended up becoming so enthralled with this woman who was like my grandmother, that I wanted it never to end, so I bought more stuff.
Mind you, I needed the stuff (Prada = basic needs), but normally I would have bought on Sephora.com (no tax, free shipping, etc.), but in this case, her stories of working at Elizabeth Arden and being the wife of an air force colonel (she told me that part with such pride! it was so sweet!) really brought a tear to my eye. It almost made me want to go outside and sneak another smoke with her.
Overall, it was a wonderful night. There is nothing better than shopping with a dear friend, buying items in anticipation of carnal delight, and meeting someone who reminds you of your long-gone grandmother.
I do think, however, I would be in better financial shape if I started shopping only for the life I do live - which means more bathrobes, running shoes and cases of PepsiOne.
Regardless, Shopping is Life, even it's not quite my life.
posted by Ashley at 5:51 PM
1 comments
