People should break up during the holidays
I am so glad I don't have a boyfriend this holiday season.
Don't get me wrong - I think having a boyfriend would be nice on some level. I also thinking having a baby, a dog, and even another plant would be cool. I like the concept of all these things - where I get into trouble is when it comes to maintenance. I get afraid to have these things in my life because I am afraid that somehow I am going to hurt them. Not like in a violent, intentional way. It's just that I forget about things. I currently have two plants that I have placed prominently in my living room so I would have to see them everyday. But despite my key visual placement, I continually forget to water these plants until they are near death, and then suddenly I'm like, "OH FUCK! I need to water these fuckers!"
Which is how I think I am with relationships. I forget to water them.
A few years ago, I think I got to that point in a relationship. I hadn't been watering it, and I was like, "OH FUCK! I need to water him." Figuratively, of course. I'm no pervert.
And so I attempted to this in the form of gifts I bought him during the holiday season. Instead of giving real love, I thought I could surely make up for my emotional distance by buying him stuff. And it wasn't like this intentional thing, I just think that for me that shopping and buying has been such an emotional outlet for me, and when I buy gifts for people it's my non-committal way of saying, "I love you". I think where I got into a lot of financial debt was that I *really* loved some people a lot and I bought a lot of stuff to show this love.
Fortunately my resources now are very limited. Otherwise, I think I'd buy GerRee a BMW for Christmas. I love her THAT much. (Note to self: If I win the lottery, I am buying GerRee a Z4).
So when Christmas came, and we were doing the gift exchange with his family, I was suddenly in that awkward position of having bought too many gifts. And he was in the awkward position of having bought not that many gifts. It felt like I had bought him a gold watch and he had given me a teddy bear. We had only been dating a few months, and honestly, I went over the top. I had attempted to show him how much I cared for him by buying him gifts. And when it was all presented in public, I felt like such an ass.
This is why I think people should break up during the holidays. It's just all too awkward, and if you have some of the issues I do, then the holidays just bring those things to light. It's best to wait till spring to let them find out what a freak you can be. So I think that unless you've been together for at least a year, I think that there should be some holiday shopping rules for people who just started dating.
So here's my proposed timeline for buying gifts for the holidays:
- Under 3 months - do not buy anything, but have lots of sex
- 3-6 months - spend no more than $50 and have lots of sex
- 7-12 months - spend no more than $100 and do something you stopped doing when it hit 7 months because you got lazy
Things you can't buy:
- Anything that requires a future commitment, such as a trip in a few months or a magazine subscription (just think if you break up how annoying that would be to keep getting something from them all year, ugh)
- Gifts cards (talk about LAZY)
- Sex toys (tacky for the holidays - "Wow, honey, this double-dildo really shows you care")
- Any kind of gift that implies that your partner needs some physical improvement (like teeth whitening, a gym membership, back acne wash, etc.)
- Things for their family. If you are spending time with his family on the holidays (totally a bad idea if it's been under 6 months), buy something that everyone can use, such as a board game (I recommend "Operation" - NEVER "Monopoly" unless they are Republican). I made the mistake of attempting to buy a DVD for each of his relatives, attempting to figure out what they would like. I think I made them feel awkward when they gave me a picture frame and I had practically bought them a movie collection.
Of course the best solution to all this is just to say right before Thanksgiving, "Hey, I really like you, and why don't we hook up after January 1st?"
Yes, I know, that leaves you "alone" on New Year's Eve, but there's another day I absolutely hate. It's one of those days where one is pressured to DO SOMETHING FUN and then to have some cheesy romantic moment right at midnight. Lame.
My perfect NYE would be in a cabin on the beach having mass sex (with someone else ideally), but if I can't do that, I am staying home and cruising Nordstrom.com for deals.
The holidays suck for relationships. If you can avoid being in one, do it. Don't use buying things to replace the love you're supposed to give - it never works (believe me, I've tried). I have learned that while I love to buy things for people, unfortunately I can't buy things that replace real love and real work. If I could, I'd get my plants a magazine subscription to "Better Homes and Gardens" and never have to water them again.
Don't get me wrong - I think having a boyfriend would be nice on some level. I also thinking having a baby, a dog, and even another plant would be cool. I like the concept of all these things - where I get into trouble is when it comes to maintenance. I get afraid to have these things in my life because I am afraid that somehow I am going to hurt them. Not like in a violent, intentional way. It's just that I forget about things. I currently have two plants that I have placed prominently in my living room so I would have to see them everyday. But despite my key visual placement, I continually forget to water these plants until they are near death, and then suddenly I'm like, "OH FUCK! I need to water these fuckers!"
Which is how I think I am with relationships. I forget to water them.
A few years ago, I think I got to that point in a relationship. I hadn't been watering it, and I was like, "OH FUCK! I need to water him." Figuratively, of course. I'm no pervert.
And so I attempted to this in the form of gifts I bought him during the holiday season. Instead of giving real love, I thought I could surely make up for my emotional distance by buying him stuff. And it wasn't like this intentional thing, I just think that for me that shopping and buying has been such an emotional outlet for me, and when I buy gifts for people it's my non-committal way of saying, "I love you". I think where I got into a lot of financial debt was that I *really* loved some people a lot and I bought a lot of stuff to show this love.
Fortunately my resources now are very limited. Otherwise, I think I'd buy GerRee a BMW for Christmas. I love her THAT much. (Note to self: If I win the lottery, I am buying GerRee a Z4).
So when Christmas came, and we were doing the gift exchange with his family, I was suddenly in that awkward position of having bought too many gifts. And he was in the awkward position of having bought not that many gifts. It felt like I had bought him a gold watch and he had given me a teddy bear. We had only been dating a few months, and honestly, I went over the top. I had attempted to show him how much I cared for him by buying him gifts. And when it was all presented in public, I felt like such an ass.
This is why I think people should break up during the holidays. It's just all too awkward, and if you have some of the issues I do, then the holidays just bring those things to light. It's best to wait till spring to let them find out what a freak you can be. So I think that unless you've been together for at least a year, I think that there should be some holiday shopping rules for people who just started dating.
So here's my proposed timeline for buying gifts for the holidays:
- Under 3 months - do not buy anything, but have lots of sex
- 3-6 months - spend no more than $50 and have lots of sex
- 7-12 months - spend no more than $100 and do something you stopped doing when it hit 7 months because you got lazy
Things you can't buy:
- Anything that requires a future commitment, such as a trip in a few months or a magazine subscription (just think if you break up how annoying that would be to keep getting something from them all year, ugh)
- Gifts cards (talk about LAZY)
- Sex toys (tacky for the holidays - "Wow, honey, this double-dildo really shows you care")
- Any kind of gift that implies that your partner needs some physical improvement (like teeth whitening, a gym membership, back acne wash, etc.)
- Things for their family. If you are spending time with his family on the holidays (totally a bad idea if it's been under 6 months), buy something that everyone can use, such as a board game (I recommend "Operation" - NEVER "Monopoly" unless they are Republican). I made the mistake of attempting to buy a DVD for each of his relatives, attempting to figure out what they would like. I think I made them feel awkward when they gave me a picture frame and I had practically bought them a movie collection.
Of course the best solution to all this is just to say right before Thanksgiving, "Hey, I really like you, and why don't we hook up after January 1st?"
Yes, I know, that leaves you "alone" on New Year's Eve, but there's another day I absolutely hate. It's one of those days where one is pressured to DO SOMETHING FUN and then to have some cheesy romantic moment right at midnight. Lame.
My perfect NYE would be in a cabin on the beach having mass sex (with someone else ideally), but if I can't do that, I am staying home and cruising Nordstrom.com for deals.
The holidays suck for relationships. If you can avoid being in one, do it. Don't use buying things to replace the love you're supposed to give - it never works (believe me, I've tried). I have learned that while I love to buy things for people, unfortunately I can't buy things that replace real love and real work. If I could, I'd get my plants a magazine subscription to "Better Homes and Gardens" and never have to water them again.
posted by Ashley at 9:52 AM
2 comments
